Sunday, April 28, 2013


I've been blogging about photography, events, travels and friends but I haven't blogged something personal about me yet. I promised to myself not to blog anything personal as to the fact that I'm not open to private things and even my close friends know how secretive I am and they respect me for that, However I decided tonight to cross that line and share my insecurities and how that shaped me to the girl I am right now. I easily lose hope in life and in love, I easily give up and let go maybe that's the reason why I still don't have somebody beside me. I hide my feelings and keep it safe by not telling anyone for me it's better that way, I only trust myself when situation like that happens. Insecurity is the main denominator for all of these. I lose hope, I hide my feelings because I am an insecure girl. I don't trust anyone because for me I know someday they will hurt me that's the reason why I tend to make a step back to any relationships. When in it comes to pursuing dreams I am also a zero. I dreamt to be in front of all investors convincing them to invest to the company I'm working for, or selling products and do the talking and talking, Yes I want to be in sales or marketing of a big company but I easily lose hope and cursed that job when I was turned down by P&G and GlaxosmithKline, I applied for those companies when I was about to graduate. I wasn't ready for them I was shaking during the interview process and was disoriented because I had a lot of things running on my mind like the thesis papers, the graduation requirements and everything. I felt so low after those events happened to me, I don't feel like applying for any jobs then IBM, an IT company emailed me asking me to write anything about the future of IT, I was hesitant at first so I asked where they got my contact details and they told me University of San Carlos endorsed students to them, so I wrote back and they called me and want to interview me personally in their Makati office. I was excited I even told my parents about it but then I had to decline due to family affairs. My grandmother suffered from cancer and looking for a job was something I forgot to do and I valued the closeness of relatives from that event then my grandmother died and from there I said to myself I don't want to be far away from my family. I am happy in where I am right now my job and my new hobby, Photography. 

I am obsessed with Photography for 6 months now and I still am a wanderer in this new hobby, there are a lot to learn and I'm still not happy with my photos. There was a time I want to sell my camera and stop all these photography madness inside me but then I remembered my friend who told me 2 years ago that "Yan I know you will excel in whatever you do because I can see the potential in you". I don't know where he is right now but I will never forget what he said to me. 

No matter how insecure you are there will be someone who will make you feel secured and that someone will be a man enough to tell you you're worth it. If someone you like praises other girls or celebrities other than you let them be and forget about them they don't deserve you. Find someone that brings out the best in you and makes you feel the most beautiful girl in his world.

Thanks for reading this OA post and don't give up waiting for that someone who will be there for you indefinitely and chase your dreams and make it happen no matter how crazy it is.

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